i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
