So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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