come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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