I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
