Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
