I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
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My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
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he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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