saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
