Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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