He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
