half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
