I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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