Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
