fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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