I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
