At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
