I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
