That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
