Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
