Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize