he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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