Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize
