We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
foreskin is a definite game changer
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
