If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
