You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
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he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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