but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
