dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
