i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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