I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
