my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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