..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
