it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
