yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
