At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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