to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
