i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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