She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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