I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
