apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
