Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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