We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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