Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
