I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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