cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
