I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
