How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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