had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
