Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
