last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
