Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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