she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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