We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
