Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
