i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
