...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
