we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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