I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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