so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
