you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
