the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
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She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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