I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Damn victory sex feels great
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
