New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
