Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
