That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
