I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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