i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
