We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
