It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize