i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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